Saturday, February 22, 2014

If I'm so Happy, Why Do I Keep Doubting Everything?

Ever since I graduated I've felt a little lost. Ever since I was 3 years old I was in school. I started my first job at Dairy Queen when I was in high school, and ever since then I have been consistently working. There were times I've had two part time jobs while going to school. Even taking extra classes! I'm so used to being super busy and not having a ton of extra time. When I came close to graduating in December I kept having doubts. I would worry that I didn't actually have all the credits complete like I thought I did. I would think, maybe I should change my major, what if I don't like management? What if I wanted to be a physical therapist, like I have originally thought going into college. What if I wanted to be a teacher? It would be nice to have summers off again. 

I still have those doubts. What if I went back to school? Should I get my masters? Should I get a teaching degree? What if I went and got a different bachelors? But the truth is, none of those things will make me doubt less. None of those things will make a difference, and when I really think about it, I wouldn't follow through with any of those things. I'm actually pretty happy with my life. 

So if I'm so happy, why do I kept doubting? Its because I lost sight of God. Honestly, I've gotten pretty comfortable with my life. Maybe too comfortable. I have more time on my hands then ever. I don't remember a time when I could easily get 8 hours of sleep a night, make healthy food to eat instead of buy fast food, and spend time working out and taking care of myself. 

I want to make sure I'm using my time wisely. I'm afraid if I don't use my time wisely I'm going to wake up one day working the same job, making the same amount of money, and having gone no where. Its time I learn how to focus my life on where I want it to go. Its time I work on myself, my faith, and my life. The only difference is I don't have set deadlines and someone holding me accountable for my life. It's up to me to hold myself accountable to the person I want to be and the life I want to lead.
This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time. After reading a few posts by Mo Isom I realized I don't have to worry. God has it under control and if I trust in him I can go anywhere I want. It doesn't mean I can trust in him and everything I want to achieve will just happen. I will still have to work very hard towards my dreams and my goals, but I don't have to worry. And worrying is something I do often (just ask Nick), but in Him all things are possible. 

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you." Psalm 32:8

I don't need to go back to school to make a difference in my life, yes education is very important, but faith in Christ is what will really move you. I know it has moved me many times in my short life. And I know it will continue to move me. 

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